The Playoff Stache
To be a ‘mustache guy’ is a bold move that practically defines a person’s character. It is a make or break for most men’s (and I guess women’s too? It’s 2020 so do your thing) looks. Most men aren’t able to pull it off as it takes a certain style and air of confidence/ignorance/stupidity to do it. I pride myself in being a beard/scruff guy, but for one special time a year I turn over to the stache.
For me, the upper lip blanket that is the mustache is as seasonal as the pumpkin spice latte. It comes at a special turn of the calendar to remind the world what time of year is it. Very much like its Pumpkin Spiced Latte counterpart, it comes during the fall and has the ladies flocking to it in droves (not really but that’s the air of confidence/ignorance/stupidity talking). This special (terribly tragic for 7 years running) time of the year is the Dodger postseason/playoffs.
Although I give the Dodgers A LOT of shit for their playoff performances, I want to blame myself for the role that I have played in it all. I haven’t properly obeyed the rules of ‘The Playoff Mustache’. I’d been far too excited to coat my upper lip in a well-groomed mane of hair. I will admit, I have been cheating by going from full beard to mustache. This reckless move leaves most of that glorious coating of stache from the regular season; which breaks the rules of the playoff stache and brings bad juju.
Not only did I cheat myself and my mustache, but I cheated the Dodgers and the rest of the fanbase out of the postseason. I am big enough to own up to my mistakes and hopefully make up for the disgusting lack of care with this blog. I’d love to bring in a new era for people who would like to Stache in Solidarity with the Dodgers this postseason and let them know the proper rules and regulations regarding ‘The Playoff Stache’ (with help from the originator of the movement Saam [@saamnotsam on all platforms]).
- Go into the first day of the postseason clean shaven (SEPTEMBER 29 this year) [next Tuesday].
- Grow a mustache from then until the end of the Dodgers postseason run (hopefully with Championship secured).
- NO BEARDS. Mustaches only so make sure that you shave any other facial hair that wouldn’t be considered a mustache.
- OPTIONAL (kinda): Keep your mustache well-groomed. Nobody likes a dirty mustache.
EXAMPLES OF A GOOD PLAYOFF STACHE:
It may seem difficult to follow, but I promise you it’ll be worth it to have the sweet taste of champagne dripping down those mustache hairs as you taste a glorious World Series Championship. If you do manage to grow one, do so with that foolish confidence and make sure to share it with pride on social media. Fingers crossed that rule-obliging playoff staches bring some good juju and that 8th time can be the charm for the NL West Champion Dodgers.
Songs played while writing:
Tame Impala — Lonerism [Album]
Parcels — Live Vol. 1 [Album]
