Some Issues With My Name
People’s names should be a badge of honor that is bestowed upon them at birth. There are many people who have very cool names like Mahershala Ali, Jean-Claude Van Damme, or Chaz Michael Michaels. These are some badass, original names that were proudly bestowed upon these public figures during their birth and I can’t help but feel a sense of envy. That jealousy grew larger as I recently had to deal with some issues regarding my name. In turn, I have taken a lot of time to reflect upon my name and some of the problems that it has brought onto me.
For starters, do you know how many Nick’s there are?? A LOT. It’s a weekly occurrence where I hear “Nick!” and I turn around to see someone having called a different Nick. I feel just as stupid as when I wave back at someone who was waving in my direction, but not at me. It also doubles down as reminder that I don’t have any friends, so of course nobody is trying to get my attention. Just a true struggle.
Next, as a kid, some names are easier to bully than others. When naming your child, it is CRUCIAL to think about what words rhyme with their name. “Hey Sick-Nick and I mean sick in the bad way ooooooooo” or “Yo Nick-Dick HA” are the kinds of emotional scars that run deep and have brought years of trauma upon me. These are just a few examples of the (to their credit) very creative, tormenting minds of elementary and middle school kids.
*Also it would require a lot of repentance if anyone chose to call me these names today. Just please don’t.
More recently, I was being (once again) pestered about the length of my instagram handle. I had struggled to find a well-suited instagram handle for a long time as it’s incredibly difficult with a popular name such as ‘Nick Martinez’. I have personally met 3–4 people with my exact name. It’s bullshit to have to compete against all of these posers (which serves as another problem on its own). I set my handle @realnickmartinez to set myself apart from all of them, only to be constantly bullied about it. “Bro wtf I can’t even tag everyone with a normal sized font cause it drops down your name to a 2nd line. You gotta shorten it” . Or my all-time favorite, totally original joke: “OMG the real nick martinez? I almost got you confused for the fake one!” and then I have to do some fake laugh as if you aren’t the 100th person to have said that so that neither of us feels like an asshole.
So I go to try and change my instagram handle because I have finally had enough. I don’t care to fight off the poser Nick Martinez’s of the world anymore because it’s not worth it to have to hear complaints and poorly over-used jokes. Any cool/simple handle with the name ‘Nick Martinez’ is already taken and I am just incredibly sick of how common the name is. Although, after careful consideration and a vast variety of attempts, I have made my decision. This fall (late-summer), I’m gonna take my talents (change all of my social media handles) to @nckmartnez
There is no ‘i’ in ‘team’ and no longer an ‘i’ in my name/handle. It’ll be this way until I get new stupid jokes or complaints that it’s still too long.
Also, no this blog wasn’t written just as a way to announce that I’m changing my name to all 912 of my followers.
Songs played while writing:
Bon Iver — AUATC
The Chemical Brothers — No Geography [Album]
Soulection Radio (Episode 470)
