Ranking My Top 10 Roommates

Now that I am back living with my OG roommates (my parents), I have had a fair amount of time to reflect on my time living with a variety of people. I had the blessing of being able to live with most of my friends in college and managed to pick up some new friends along the way; through my various living situations. While it breaks my heart to have to rank you guys as roommates, just know that I would room with 90% of you again if I needed to (no need to name names, we all know who that 10% is). Also, I love each of you like a brother so please don’t take this list to heart. If you do have any complaints, please take it up with @_JustinMariano on Twitter who agreed to field any issues on my behalf.

10. Dom

Dom is the roommate who will randomly wake you up in the middle of the night to ask for permission to watch ‘Diners, Drive-Ins, & Dives’ because he needs background noise while he sleeps. In turn, waking you up and then making sure Guy Fieri videos are all that shows up in your Youtube suggestions over the next 2 weeks. You wake up in the middle of the night to see your laptop just hanging off of some countertop almost waiting to do its best impersonation of the Titanic.

Did tuck me into bed the last time we were together so it all kinda cancels out. Putting Dom in this spot breaks my heart because I love him, but there’s not really much data here compared to my others.

9. Kenny & Matt

I can’t think of a single way to trash talk these guys. I hate how boringly cool you guys were to live with. While I don’t have any complaints, there’s almost not really any highs that I can recall. It was life always smooth sailing and a good time. I just truly enjoyed getting to know and live with you both. I miss you and love you and hope we can kick it soon.

*Unfortunately no funny photos of them from our time living together

8. Chris Yee

There’s a 99% chance he’s not reading this unless he knows that he’s being mentioned because he’s too busy at Space Yacht waiting to frivolously storm into the room at 3AM in which normal people (myself) are sleeping. Chris is way too drunk too care right now and he’s not done partying just yet. After weekend benders like this, will definitely complain that his body never feels 100% and is unsure as to why.

No funny photos of him but this was a time his tire was flat as shit and it made me laugh

Chris put me on to a lot of cool music and workout stuff. Loved to talk sports with him. Also, ate the most amount of food I think I’ve ever seen a human consume which was always incredible to witness. Chris if you’re reading this I miss you and love you.

7. Liam

If Liam isn’t at work, there is a good chance that you can find him sitting somewhere with a laptop burning on his lap; just no regard for his sperm cell count. He will occasionally pull out his earbuds to talk to you about the latest Joe Rogan podcast or some guess as to what’s gonna happen in the next Star Wars/Marvel Movie/GOT Episode. I wish that Joe had just taken some time to do preaching about how good roommates don’t leave crusty oatmeal pans in the sink for a couple days so Liam and I could talk that over.

Liam was easily one of the roommates that I enjoyed talking to most. We always had the most fun conversations about random media theories or current events. I love you papi.

6. Grant

I think maybe I was too harsh on Chris earlier in that I was this for Grant. The only difference in situations here was that I would wake up early to get my day started and Grant is someone you need to tread lightly around when he’s asleep. Feeling the wrath of Grant’s death stares before he shoved a pillow into his ear canal was not a great way to start your day. Especially when he would come out of the room 3–4 hours later and you weren’t sure if you’d be facing any more of that wrath.

Instead of facing that wrath, Grant was a completely different person from that stage 3.5 REM sleep version. Would wake up and make coffee for everyone and just be the nicest guy. Love you GrantSleepsInPics.

5. Daniel

What’s it like living with a social media influencer? It includes a lot of giving opinions on outfits/brand deals/IG posts/Tik-Tok videos/etc. that you’re not entirely invested in. Daniel also did this thing where every morning after doing his skincare routine, would waste half of a roll of toilet paper to wipe down the sink. The amount of morning workouts he made me late to as he sluggishly arose from his slumber wasn’t great. It was also a pleasure being able to watch you take your shirt off to record some Tik-Toks too.

There was never a dull day living with Daniel though as he always could brainstorm up something to do. Always down for whatever and teaching him to adult a bit as it was his first time living on his own was cute. Truly grew to be one of my best friends in my time living with him. I love you DD.

4. Justin

Ever wish that you would just speak your mind to your roommates about their messy living habits? Justin 100% wishes there was a time that he could ever not say something. Tensions were always high as Justo was always calling people out in the group chats. This was just a really poor pairing to coincide with his nonstop bullying habit that is just in his nature. Never felt more insecure than when I lived with him.

Justin testing out “his new airpods”

Also, easily one of the funniest roommates I had. It was almost always constant laughter whenever we were hanging out at the apartment (except when we needed to move cars cause of parking). I love you buddy.

3. Ryan

What is it like living with your best friend? I am still not entirely sure because my guy was always just watching twitch inside his room. He would occasionally come out to ask me if I wanted anything from Jack-in-the-Box or Del Taco before returning back to his room. He also forced me to make him coffee every morning too, only to complain about its temperature before stuffing it in the freezer and never touch it again.

But seriously it was truly a blessing being able to share a space with you for the time that we did at least once in our lives. Being able to just walk into your room to talk about random shit or share some laughs. I’ll never forget you randomly asking if we wanted root-beer floats on that first night living together. Truly one of the most child-like, innocent questions I’ve been asked in my 20’s. I love you.

2. Tony

The absolute GOAT if not for the number one spot. The most sweet, funny, innocent, kind human being. It’s like having 10 grandmas living with you watching after you. It’s like having a jar full of happiness that you can open at any given moment when you live with Tony. I love you and miss you and need you to move back to California already.

*No funny photos because Tony is always looking like a dime piece

It was only right that I give the number 1 spot to the roommate that I physically shared a room with for 16+ years. There’s not a single person who has tolerated more of my bullshit and grouchy phases in my life than my brother. While we butted heads a lot growing up and probably wished that we could have had our own rooms, I would not have traded the stupid memories of sharing a room for the world. Always sneaking video games into our rooms to play past our bed time, staying up late to talk about theoretical fights that we could have, debate the most random/nonsensical topics; all of it made for some of the best memories I could have with a roommate.

You’re still grumpy as shit in the mornings for no reason though. I love you :)

Honorable Mention(s): Mom & Dad

Again, if any of you have any complaints please see @_JustinMariano on twitter.

Songs played while writing:

D’Angelo — Voodoo [Album]

Aphex Twin — Avril 14

Stormzy — Heavy is the Head [Album]

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