I Bought a Chemex (And Discovered a bit About Myself)

The Chemex is quite possibly the coolest looking, most highly recommended coffee maker for any coffee connoisseur. The pour over process is a slow one that requires a wait time for the coffee to drip perfectly down, before I pour it into my Big Dogs™ coffee mug. I bought this thing hearing about the meditative experience that I would get from the brewing process. What I didn’t expect was the awakening of a lifetime.

As the coffee was dripping down I couldn’t help but notice what a stupid hipster contraption this was and I had become a sort of snobbish, go against the grain personality. What kind of quarter-life crisis was I experiencing a year before I actually reach that quarter-life mark? I thought of all the free-spirited, bohemian, indie asshole shit that I have been doing/purchasing over the past year.

Here’s a list of what I could think of as this coffee dripped down into my cup of reflection:

1. Birkenstocks — I know what you’re thinking, Birkenstocks?? That’s not that bad. You’re right, they’re a nice comfortable “Jesus” sandal. But no I didn’t order the Jesus ones. I got the “I wanna be different and look like a Hispanic-Dutch fuck” clog version of Birkenstocks. Yes, I’ve worn them out of the house.

See?? And this picture doesn’t help fight this trend I’m catching

2. Doc Martens — Again, no I didn’t buy the generic black boots (which would’ve still been quite the move). I bought these nurse-like Doc Martens cause I saw them and thought they looked cool.

3. Wide Brim Fedora — It brings me great shame to say I tried one on, thought it looked good, and bought it. I haven’t worn it yet so no there’s no photos of me in it, but please don’t roast me the first time I am.

Just assume I look exactly like this

4. Kombucha — I forced myself to like kombucha. Yeah, health benefits and all, but you sit on the throne of lies if the first time you tried kombucha you didn’t think it tasted like butthole. I stepped away from it initially, but was drawn back by that pungent taste of misery and now I genuinely like it????

5. Vegan — Alright I want to be more plant based. It’s better for me (I don’t know you hear good things about it one day and then bad things about it the next and no I don’t give a shit about your opinion) and the planet. I can’t but feel like it’s a hipster trend and to make it worse I half ass it so yeah figure it out Nick.

6. Music — Alright to level with myself here I think I’ve always had a hipster outlook on music. I’ve always thought Yeezus was Kanye’s best album and TPAB was Kendrick’s. It was never about what bangs at a party. I like music that makes my friends go “Bro stop playing ‘Blood On Leaves’ you’re scaring the hoes”. But I’ve grown into an alternative rock loving shit. I have gone through a strong phase with the likes of Tame Impala, Two Door Cinema Club, Khruangbin, Orville Peck, and Radiohead. Sure, some of these artists are mainstream, but when you take that hand in hand with my previous music views, newfound disco craze, and everything else in this list, it’s hard to not see my own demise.

At a Tame Impala concert with those fucking Doc Marten’s

7. Art — What kind of pompous asshole appreciates art? I find myself following and liking a variety of Instagram pages filled with cool art. I actually genuinely enjoy art and have though “wow it’d be nice to have some cool art laying around” like a dickhead.

Is this even cool or am I just an asshole for buying it??

8. Journaling — I started journaling because it’s a good idea to get my thoughts and feelings out. Actually, I recommend this one. Can’t be too judgmental of myself.

9. Blogging — I started a shitty as blog. Who the fuck do I think I am?

Idiot

Is this early, onset quarter-life crisis a product of this quarantine that we’re locked in? A life without sports and the gym has slowly turned me into the very thing that I had always feared of becoming. If this doesn’t stop soon I’ll be heading back from brunch, itching my well-groomed beard, to my small minimalist studio apartment in the Arts District. I won’t believe I let my friends convince me that mimosas work for this juice cleanse I’m on and didn’t even eat anything else. Oh well, I’ll be sipping one of those juices at my place while I watch some elite black and white foreign films.

Anyway, the coffee is pretty good, so I highly recommend buying one if you like coffee and/or need some deep meditative-reflection.

Buy Chemex Here: https://www.amazon.com/Chemex-Classic-Pour-over-Glass-Coffeemaker/dp/B000I1WP7W/ref=sr_1_2?crid=V6Q81G7AS65E&dchild=1&keywords=chemex&qid=1593620075&sprefix=chemex%2Caps%2C209&sr=8-2

Songs played when writing:

Juls & Sango — Angele Ni Fie

Phoenix — If I Ever Feel Better

Orville Peck — [Album] Pony

The Strokes — [Album] The New Abnormal

*realizing I need to stop this indie hipster shit*

Tupac — Hit ’Em Up

Ty Dolla $ign — Ego Death (feat. Kanye West, FKA Twigs, and Skrillex)