How to Stop COVID-19
COVID-19 has stumped scientists from all around the world. The virus has killed hundreds of thousands of people, ruined economies, and decimated the social fabric of almost the entire world. There is a world-wide effort going on to combat the virus as millions of dollars in donations have poured in and an allotment of adult film stars have said they’d sleep with whoever found the cure. Even with motivation at an all-time high, normalcy has yet to be restored to most of the world as the virus lives on. I am here to toss some ideas into the ring as to how we could possibly get rid of COVID-19.
1. Tell KPOP Stans that COVID hates their favorite favorite band:
There is no army of people more readily available to cancel the shit out of just about anything than KPOP Stans. I wouldn’t dare to speak out against any KPOP band as I would be “Mr. Stark, I don’t feel so good”-ing mere seconds after calling BTS mid. If we could tell a variety of massive KPOP followings that COVID was talking shit, it would be gone in no longer than a month. I can’t imagine a c̶u̶l̶t̶ fandom more readily available to lead the resistance.
2. Inject COVID cells with a more deadly disease:
This one is pretty explanatory. Very much a big fish eat little fish scenario that would easily dispose of COVID-19. Can’t imagine any drawbacks from this one and I’m not entirely sure why this hasn’t already been considered.
3. Tapeworm?: The good ole’ Kelly Kapoor strat.
4. Get #NOVID Trending on Twitter:
2020 is following very much in the footsteps of its predecessor 2019, in that celebrities are getting cancelled left and right. We haven’t heard from the likes of Chris D’Elia or Ellen Degeneres in some time. There seems to be no better way to get rid of something/someone than to bring up some old dirt from their lives, when they were practically a different human being, and not a human who could make mistakes to learn and grow from. After digging up some old dirt on COVID, we could easily get #NOVID trending on twitter; henceforth, cancelling it and ridding the world of the nasty virus.
*Could also combine with idea 1 to put cancellation into hyperdrive
5. We all go into a coma/hibernation for 2 weeks: The virus can live inside of someone’s body for up to 2 weeks before becoming transmittable/feeling the symptoms of it. If the entire world just went into a coma or hibernation state for 2 weeks, the virus would die out inside of whatever host(s) it’s residing it. It wouldn’t be able to find new hosts through any transmissions as everyone would just be in coma mode. I’ve seen movies where they do it with astronauts, so why not just do it to us here on Earth?
If there’s any species ready to tackle this pandemic, it is us. There’s a lot of great scientists and researchers out in the world who just need the help of a big “idea(s) guy” like myself. You’re all welcome.
Songs played while writing:
Disclosure — ENERGY [Album]
