Dear Ice Cream/Milkshake Dippers
It has recently come to my attention that there is a growing cult following of “cute” people who dip their french fries, and sometimes even nuggets, in their ice cream or milkshake. For far too long, these people have managed to get away with their quirky dipping choice based on how fun it sounds. While this sounded like an amazing idea as a kid, it’s time the people in this cult grow up.
For starters, what are we doing here? Are we eating fries? Are we drinking a shake? Because basically, you’re taking a warm french fry and then getting that flavor COMPLETELY overpowered by the ice cream. This adds no flavor or substance to either side of the meal pendulum. Rather, you’re just eating ice cream from some odd french fry-spoon contraption??
You are 100% the same kid who didn’t want to finish their dinner because you just wanted to skip and jump to dessert. You really haven’t grown up at all and just found this appealing little loophole that allows you to skip to dessert again. While, as a fat kid, I was excited at the notion of you skipping straight to dessert and being able to eat all of your leftovers (basically 2 meals but who’s keeping track). Now, I am just as horrified by these monstrosities of food-eaters in society.
We just really cannot have this. These people are just living lives of complete anarchy and chaos. If you’re trying to sit there and legitimately tell me “Oh, but it’s like a little sweet and salty thing” then please do society a favor and take your childish, schizophrenic ass to therapy.
There are a million different sauces readily available to dip your french fries into; ketchup, ranch, bbq, etc. I’d even go as far as to say go European with it for all I care by dunking them in some mayo. At least that’s a more respectable and less chaotic life decision than ice cream??
I hate to have to be the fun police on this one, but it’s time that someone put a stop to all this madness that has been created by the ice cream dippers of the world. Please grow up, as I cannot imagine raising a child in a world where people view this as socially acceptable.
Songs played while writing:
The Chemical Brothers — No Geography [Album]
Diplo — Heartless (feat. Morgan Whallen)
Mark Knight & Rene Amesz — All 4 Love (feat. Tasty Lopez)
